Article: If Architects Had to Work Like Web Designers!
Dear Mr. Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.
However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.
PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
(Author unknown)
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.
However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.
PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
(Author unknown)
27 Comments:
Ha Ha. Very good.
hahah funny
hahaha funny.. and so true.
Where's the garden? You should've known I wanted a garden!
excellent stuff, one of my friends is an architect. Maybe he experiences this a lot :)
so true it's scary......
"And we want you to show us one completed room, painted, carpeted and furnished, before you go on to building the rest of the rooms."
I laugh. And weep. All at once.
So true I did a couple of those cough laughs on my monitor! Great read.
Absolutely brilliant.
I like blue, but not that blue, but my wife likes, green but not that green...
Finally, an analogy i can use to explain it to all the non-web peeps! Brilliant!!
Forwared to all the colleagues at work :)
Sad but True
I feel your pain. Nice post.
Wow. That's my job. You make me cry.
This was brilliant! I really enjoyed the read and can commiserate with the architect here.
And after the house is finished, I will fail to mow the grass, let the paint peel, leave a few rusted cars on the front lawn, and eventually wrap the entire house in scaffolding so I can cover it with commercial billboards... but don't worry, I'll still be sure to tell everybody you built it!
Awesome, the chuckles turned to giggles and then full laughter. Thank you for making my day and for making me wonder why on earth i'm a web designer. You do know there is a very special place in heaven for web designers....called our OWN clouds.
I could not have read this on a more perfect day... I just met with a group of architects who I am designing a site for... the first 3 designs were rejected... only to have them ask for something "more sketchy and raw... like a blue print" and then follow up "OH we love this site : http://www.eldoradoarchitects.com" Does anyone see sketchy and raw in here??? Hmmm... Back to the drawing board.
Ha! I think we can all relate to that! Brilliant!
Hahaha, sad and true!
Oh Yes, that definitely relates to the typical web client as well...
"make me a site, But i dont have time to discuss what i want, you should know how to do it"
"im starting a new business... I dunno my target audience, dont have a logo yet, but organise any colours and pictures we'll just chnage it later... can you have it ready next week? What you want money beofre you start?"
I didn't find this funny at all... just very very tragic. Whether an architect or a web designer, you are screwed! We had a request that said "It must integrate with *software name/version* and any future versions...". Not sure of the analogy with building here - I guess the guys that designed in asbestos fire protection know.
@John
The analogy is probably that the house has to accommodate the ancient fridge, but I could be wrong.
Unfortunately this post is all too true, and while it's obviously ridiculous when our situation is applied to an architect, almost nobody outside of us designers recognize how recognizes how ridiculous it is to tell a designer this stuff.
That is hilarious. Every "fun" part of web development was on here. I love the part to make it cheaper yet better than the current one.
Such an apt / appropriate article. Really cool.
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